Halfway through the New York Jets-Pittsburgh Steelers AFC Championship matchup, Dan Shaugnessy’s most recent Boston Globe column was brought to my attention. As any respectable New England Patriots fan, I have been ardently opposing Rex Ryan’s crew all season long; and that passion against the Jets was only amplified after the Pats lost to them last week.
Shaugnessy’s article is entitled, “Why Patriots fans should be on board with the Jets” and is every bit as nonsensical as the title suggests. It was published in this morning’s (Jan. 23) Sunday Globe and has spread like wildfire throughout the internet, via blogs like this one. But unlike other blogs, I am prepared to go shot for shot with Shaugnessy. The following shall be a true New England fan’s guide to why the famed sportswriter is full of it, and a line-by-line comparison of Shaugnessy’s article with the thoughts of this Patriots fan as I tune into what will most assuredly be (24-3 Steelers at halftime) a rout of the Jets.
Shaugnessy begins after an embarrassing recreation of the Jets fans’ oft-uttered chant, “I’m in. I’m on the Jets bandwagon.”
Well Mr. Shaugnessy, I don’t see how you exemplify a New England fan’s attitude at all here. The Jets bandwagon is what we have been fighting against. Rooting for the J-E-T-S means as much in the football world as rooting for the Yankees is in baseball – it is New England treachery. Mr. Shaugnessy, you are Benedict Arnold.
He continues, “I’ve been carrying Fireman Ed on my shoulders all over Pittsburgh, and let me tell you, he’s heavier than he looks.”
It’s nice to know you pay attention to Fireman Ed. Way to be a professional.
“The Jets are fun. The Jets have a coach who says what he thinks without regard for the consequences. The Jets lack self-importance. They do backflips in the end zone.”
The Jets are not fun. The Jets spoiled our fun here, buddy. The Jets’ coach is a moron who looks like Jabba the Hutt and has a keen interest in feet. He embodies self-importance and that mindset is passed onto his players. Rex Ryan is a hack and his hack players think that they are better than they are because of him. Oh, and backflips in the endzone should be penalized.
“Oh, and the Jets have fans who have suffered for years, just like Red Sox fans up until 2004.”
Just because you lost a lot of material after the Curse of the Bambino was broken, doesn’t mean you can lash out against all of us.
“If you are a Patriots fan still smarting from the shocker last Sunday, you should be rooting for the Jets tonight. The better the Jets do, the more the Patriots will be driven to beat them. If the Jets win the AFC Championship at Heinz Field, perhaps the Krafts will be inspired to spend a little more money on payroll next year (are we supposed to feel good that the Patriots have the third-lowest payroll in the NFL?).”
Nope. I should not root for the Jets. I think Tom Brady and company should have plenty of fuel contributing to their retribution fire when the two teams meet next year. And yes, I do feel good that Bob Kraft can manage his money well. He is a great business man and makes great business decisions. And in case you forgot, Mr. Shaugnessy, Tom Terrific is getting paid mega-millions kind of money these days.
“Maybe New England will stop trading down to get “value’’ for high draft picks. Maybe New England will seek more talent. Maybe the Patriots will go for broke next year, while Tom Brady is still at the height of his powers.”
Maybe you need to check your facts before you put the word value in quotation marks here.
“So, yes, the Jets are my team. I hope they go on to win the Super Bowl in Dallas in two weeks. Perhaps that will motivate people back at Patriot Place. Imagine the noise next year when the *Super Bowl champion *Jets come to Gillette Stadium. That game will be so big Wes Welker might actually get to start.”
I am sick to my stomach after reading that. Stop ragging on Bill Belichick. In Belichick We Trust.
“What’s not to love about Rex Ryan? The big fella wears sleeveless sweater vests and his heart on his sleeve. He is a man with no filter. He tells his players they are the best. He tells them they are champs, even after they sometimes play (and behave) like chumps. If Rex coached your Little League team, you know he’d take everyone out for ice cream after every game, win or lose.”
Last I checked, I watch pro sports. Rex might have the mind of a Little Leaguer, but I don’t think that makes him fun or interesting. It especially doesn’t make him a winner. Belichick has led the Pats to three championships. Let me know when Captain Foot Fetish gets there and then we can talk about the greatness of him as a coach.
I’m going to skip this next part because Shaugnessy makes the claim that the Jets are “fun” and so we should root for them. You know what’s “fun” Dan? Winning. We lost, and we’re all sore about it. Rooting for the team that beat you is not the way to soothe our wounds.
Shaugnessy closes out with these laughable words, “You should root for the Jets because they are homeless.”
No. Just no.
He continues, “For years the Jets played their home games at *Giants Stadium. Officially, they are the New York *Jets, but they’re more like the Queens Jets, the Long Island Jets, or the Jets from the Swamps of New Jersey. They tried to gather fans for a rally in Times Square Thursday, but not even Fireman Ed (Edwin M. Anzalone) could stop traffic in midtown Manhattan. There will be no Canyon of Heroes for these guys.”
Right, well then maybe they should stop calling themselves the New York Jets. We’re practical people here in New England. You don’t see the Pats continuing to call themselves the Boston Patriots, do you Dan? No-we’re not that stupid here.
“If none of these arguments bring you around, you should root for the Jets tonight because you don’t want to root for the Steelers. The Steelers and their fans are babies. By any definition, quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is a boor. If he wins tonight, he’s going to his third Super Bowl, and that’s going to start talk of comparisons with Brady. The Steelers have won two Super Bowls since the last time the Patriots won one. You want to see them go for a third? No. You want the Jets. It’s not as stupid as it sounds. Really.”
Don’t care. I have pride in my team. We have beaten the Steelers before and can beat them again. To reiterate from earlier: I want nothing to do with rooting for the Jets. Your arguments, Mr. Shaugnessy, are exactly as stupid as they sound. So no, I will not abandon the proverbial ship or jump off of the proverbial bus that is the Patriots’ bandwagon only to board the Jets’. I can think of nothing more blasphemous. No; instead I will abandon you, Dan. I will read no more of your tripe.
I hope you enjoy the small amount of hype I’ve given you. Now it’s time to tune into the shellacking of the Jets in the second half. LET’S GO STEELERS!