Being a fan of the Baltimore Orioles is a year in and year out heart breaking, soul wrenching, and mind boggling affair. We spend every offseason pondering possible moves that will turn the team into a contender once again (again being so long ago that it is actually one third of my life). Will they sign an ace pitcher? Will they sign a big time hitter? Will they make a trade for a true impact player? Or will they just fill out the roster with marginal players that have some upside and hope to pull the wool over the fans’ eyes with a constant barrage of optimism? The latter seems to be the recurring answer. I understand the Orioles are looking to improve the team and MacPhail is trying his best, but if I hear him say they are doing their “due diligence” one more time I am going flip nuts!
For goodness sake Orioles don’t make me do it again. Don’t make me look at the team on paper and talk myself into the fact that we might have chance this year. Don’t make me root through the statistical splits of each player to find three weeks worth of positive factors on each player and have me project those stats out to a 162 game season. Don’t make me look at awful acquisitions and make me think that these players could live up to the unrealistic expectations that my statistically driven brain has placed upon them. Don’t make me look at our new manager and think that his never-ending pursuit for fundamental perfection will rub off on the players and make them play flawlessly over the course of a whole season. Don’t make me believe we have a chance. Don’t make me do it, Baltimore! Please don’t make me do it.
Okay, okay, okay. I surrender to you sweet Oriole Bird. I believe in you. I believe we have a chance. I believe the acquisitions of a .198 hitter and an oft injured shortstop will turn this team into a perennial powerhouse. I believe the rotation will work out to be one of the best in the American League next year and that a true ace will arise from the ashes of a once decimated organization. I believe Adam Jones will become the next Frank Robinson. I believe Matt Wieters will make Mike Piazza look like nothing more than a Pert shampoo pinup boy. I believe Brian Matusz will win 20 games and watch over me to protect me as I sleep at night. Mr. Angelos is handing out Kool-Aid and I’m drinking it up without even asking what the flavor is. What if that flavor is that disgusting ecto cooler? Well, I’ll drink it anyway.
I understand that I will get an onslaught of comments from fans around the baseball world, or at least the ten people that might actually read this, that I am an idiot for falling for the same old trick. Please don’t blame me. Blame the deep dark winter that is taking its toll on me. Blame the fact that I am only on the letter C in the Bill James Handbook and that is how I judge how close I am to spring training. Blame the fact that the little bit of optimism that Andy MacPhail portrays during every radio and TV interview is the only bright spot I have in my baseball life.
Well, Oriole fans, there you have it. I have plastered my ever loving Oriole soul all over the wall. The good news is that you don’t have to follow me down this road. I can make it alone, I’ve done it before. Make sure you follow your own instincts and don’t fall prey to the carnivorous bird of black and orange like I have. Please know what kind of relationship you are getting into with the O’s this season. Don’t fall in love without thinking it through. But, most of all, by all means, do yourself a favor and do your own “due diligence” when contemplating buying a ticket for an Orioles game this year. You owe yourself that much and God knows you deserve it. You should be less like me and more like Corey Hart and never surrender!