Here’s a radical idea: if you’re a big-time athletic department at a big-time school, cheat. Cheat with everything you’ve got, hide it as best that you can, and play your best players regardless of the odds they get smoked by the NCAA.

Do I have your attention yet?

In Monday night’s Poll Bowl, Auburn quarterback Cam Newton will take on the dynamic, high-speed Oregon Ducks. In case you’ve been hiding under a rock the past seven months, Newton and his father Cecil were briefly scrutinized by the NCAA for soliciting money for Cam’s commitment to college. The original case looked at Mississippi State, whom Cecil Newton allegedly asked for a ridiculous sum of money.

Newton ended up at Florida and transferred to Auburn in order to escape Tim Tebow’s righteous shadow. The rest, as they say, is history.

Despite the shadow of the NCAA investigation, Newton will take the field Monday. Why? Because Newton is awesome, fully deserving of his Heisman trophy. He does things on the football field that make your jaw drop and Auburn coach Gene Chizik pop a woody. It’s unreal.

Now, the public doesn’t know the details of the case. But Cameron’s response to the allegations against his family has consistently been that he simply didn’t know. Really? He didn’t know? Auburn didn’t know? That wouldn’t pass the smell test of a 7-year-old. Why should it pass the NCAA?

Compare the case of Auburn, who clammed up when the NCAA came knocking and played Newton in every game this year, with the NCAA investigation into UNC. North Carolina’s football program came under investigation this summer after DT Marvin Austin’s tweet about throwing money around in a Miami club. The “improper benefits” probe soon widened to include accusations of academic dishonesty, cheating, and hints of the dreaded “lack of institutional control” charge. Incidentally, this means that behavior like what happened at UNC is more than likely happening at almost every big-time school. (I’ll get to the reasons in a bit.)

As soon as UNC heard of the NCAA coming around, they immediately began holding out players they suspected were even remotely connected to the probe, in case the NCAA declared them ineligible. A once-promising season for the Tar Heels soon went up in smoke as its vaunted defense sat on the sidelines.

The NCAA did indeed declare a few UNC players ineligible. The majority were cleared. You’d think the NCAA would look favorably on UNC’s openness and self-discipline, but after eight months the Cartel has yet to issue a final finding – and the specter of severe sanctions still hangs over Chapel Hill.

The lesson here is clear: if the NCAA starts sniffing around your program, tell them to take a hike. Play all your soon-to-be ineligible players, and play them in every game. Here’s why:

  • Cooperating doesn’t seem to help. If the NCAA actually cared about fairness, they’d take school cooperation into account in meting out penalties. They don’t, and they don’t. The NCAA cares a lot more about making money, pretending they care about amateurism, and maintaining the illusion that they care about the “student” part of the student-athlete than they care about fairness. Interestingly, if athletes were paid - i.e. not amateurs - the NCAA would probably cease to be relevant, and die. So maybe they do actually care about amateurism, because it is inextricably linked to its own survival. Hmm. Idea for the next column, maybe?

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  • Not cooperating has no risk to the school – only the player(s) involved – and has the highest of payoffs. See Newton, Cam; University of Auburn. Even for Newton, the risk is negligible, because he still stands to make millions in the NFL. Marvin Austin, UNC’s star defensive tackle, sat out every game of the 2010 season. He’ll go in the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft and play on Sundays. What a punishment.

  • Worst-case scenario for Auburn: A USC scenario. They win the national championship and later have the entire 2010 season vacated after Newton is declared ineligible. Maybe they get a postseason ban, a reduction in scholarships, etc. Maybe in six years, Auburn symbolically returns the Heisman, again. Sounds bad, right? 

This is actually not nearly as big a deal as you might think. Have you forgotten about USC? Of course not. Last I checked, they were still doing fine, making regular appearances on ESPN and hauling in dramatically awesome recruiting classes. Lane Kiffin, though he is an incredible choice word I won’t use in print, is doing quite well for himself. Once their laugh of a punishment is over, they’ll be right back atop the BCS polls, fighting for pole position with the SEC flavor of the week.

Let me put it this way: No matter what happens on Monday, Auburn has already benefited, and will continue to benefit, immensely from its success. How? Money. A successful sports season generates more successful sports seasons, and big-time success generates big-time money. Merchandise, boosters, ticket sales, conference payouts, advertising, royalties… you name it, Auburn is making money off it. Without Newton, it’s pretty unlikely that Auburn is currently enjoying its present notoriety.

Another, more insidious side to this story: the Flutie Effect. The Flutie Effect says that in the academic year following a major national championship, applications to that school jump. For a big-time school like Auburn, tuition dollars are hugely critical to its success, and the best way to get more tuition dollars is more students. (For a great exposition on this concept, see Murray Sperber’s Beer and Circus).

That’s what it really boils down to. Money. And the money involved in a national championship run far outstrips any punishment the NCAA can hand down – because to be frank, the NCAA has a vested interest in not slaying one of its prize horses. Successful schools being successful means the NCAA makes money, too.

Reggie Bush will go down in NCAA infamy as the One Who Returned the Heisman. But if I’m USC, I sign the next Reggie Bush coming out of high school, and I try like hell to get the next Cam Newton.

Follow the author, Nate Friedman, on Twitter: @nate488.